So, I was standing there, shocked, thinking where could she be. Went back and forth for at least three times and after that I started panicking. I saw two policemen standing across the street and shared a detailed story about how I lost my friend. “Well, the best thing for you to do is to go home and wait for her there. If she doesn’t show up, call 911.” “No, I can’t go home.” (hysterically crying) “You need to help me. She’s LOST. She doesn’t have a phone. She doesn’t know WHERE to go!! We need to go LOOK for her!!” One of them tried to calm me down by petting my shoulder and offering me a Klenex and the other one saying: “We cannot just drive around New York City looking for your friend.” And then one of my smartest questions popped out: “WHY NOT??!!” At that moment I was truly convinced that that would be the only reasonable thing to do. Sirens and the whole police search thing going on. Didn’t happen. After that I started crying a bit more. Walking around, sobbing, talking to myself, like many Newyorkers do. Now I know why. They’ve probably lost someone too. I went up and down that enchanted 24th street over 30 times, with a Manhattan map projected inside my head and me, represented as a blinking red spot, searching the streets and avenues for many years to come. Until I would find her. I wasn’t going home alone and that was final! After such a long day and wild night it’s normal to get very, very cranky (loosing someone doesn’t help either), so I just needed to sit down for a while but instead I felt asleep on a bench. Around 6:30 am I got a call saying Tanja was already home. Well, at least hailing a taxi that early on Sunday morning wasn’t a problem. Once I got home I was so indescribably relieved that she was ok, but entering the room, seeing her watching the goddamn tv, made me completely lose my nerves. It would definitely be a fun thing to see as we were yelling at each other like some old married couple. “I would never leave someone who’s in such a big city for the first time all alone in the middle of nowhere!!” “Oh yeah, well, how can you be so stupid to go wander the streets you don’t know by yourself?!” Was fun! Super fun! At the end the excitement of realizing that both of us were ok won. And all I can remember doing for the rest of the Sunday was sleeping and being extremely cold. Oh, I almost forgot! You know how SHE got home? In a police car!! They gave her a ride to 87th & Broadway. Bit**! But after all, this will make a great story for our grandchildren. 😉
I’m afraid I didn’t memorize how things happened in exact chronological order, maybe because I was making a late-night trips up to Bronx and back, just to make sure Someone got home safely. And there were other, personal benefits from that, too. Like, hmm, enjoying the peaceful countryside. Or falling asleep at 4 am on a train to Manhattan, missing my stop and then, too pissed off to bother taking another train, trowing myself into the first taxi, ending up in bed close to 5 am, just for a taste of what it should feel like to sleep, waking up at 7:30. For two weeks straight, thankyouverymuch. But I’d do it again, anytime!
I don’t think a single day has passed without laughing our asses off and being amazed by a human stupidity. An underwater man chasing us down the 5th Avenue with some grassy-muddy stuff all over his hands, screaming: “This shit is too good to die for!” A mister Liberty aka Can Collector falling asleep in front of his lady down at the Battery Park. People, you’re seeing for the first time, that want to sit with you for a very obvious reason(s). People nose-picking, and yes, I know, it’s a very common habit in any culture and Tutankhamen even had his personal nose picker, but do you really need to eat your… catch? At rush hour?! And others, eating food that cannot be identified like they were raised by a pack of wolves and had just entered civilization. A guy, born and ready to make the whole nation laugh by signing up for the next audition of American Idol, singing on the subway for the whoooole 45 minutes and doing this little choreography with his head: “This is a gangsta song. This is a gangsta song…” And a drunk fella, explaining to the lady sitting next to him, why life was so hard & bla bla bla, for the same amount of time. Or an 80-years old man, dressed as a woman, entering a subway at 125th street, around 2 o’clock. At first I didn’t understand why Tanja was saying: “Don’t come on! Don’t come on!” But once THAT had entered the car and sat right opposite from us, I knew why. I can’t remember laughing that much. Ever!! My whole body was shaking, I couldn’t look at IT, I was crying. Everyone else had the same problem. The only thing I regret is not following IT to arrange a photo shoot or something. And I’m sure once I would get that laughter thing under control, we could be looking at the beginning of a very beautiful friendship.
The homeless around here are something too. And they really work to get their pennies!! For example, there is this guy, he must be in his sixties I should think, that raps and he’s so cool at doing it, and when he’s done, he does this strange thing with his face – he almost eats his lips & cheeks and pops his eyes out and stands still for a few seconds. I thought I was going to die listening and looking at him when we were leaving, hmm, the Smoke Club? (Tanja?) And there’s this other sweet thing. She has her regular spot on Brodway Ave and always asks ever so politely: “Could you make a small donation?” I mean, who wouldn’t?! I’m afraid that one day I might just take her home. I really think I will. There’s no point of having an extra bed if no one uses it! And she has a song now. lol One day, after I’m long gone and all there’s left are my unforgettable captures of the world once existed (I’m too self-confident today, so just ignore the crap I’m saying here), this song will hit the top-charts and stay in the hearts of people for many years to come. Think of it like Abba’s Chiquitita of the 21st century. Hahaha. Man, I’m on fire!! Maybe because I got a marriage proposal today? Ok. Completely different story and totally unrelated to this, but since I’m showing off without any shame… Speaking of shame and all the crazy people, now would be a good time to confess a few stupidities of my own. Ok, so here we go, I’m just gonna shoot it all out… I rang a bell to a very special apartment and ran off, did some crazy things while people were vacuuming / folding laundry / sleeping / or at work, fell asleep on a couch when I REALLY shouldn’t, watched a 2-hour long documentary about Britney Spears and got turned on by one of her songs, ate double chocolate cookies in bed… Well, I’ve started with the innocent ones just to prepare you for the last two – I showed my ass at the South Ferry looking at Lady Liberty, danced on a subway pole with my pants off and People have pictures to prove it, so now, I need to be VERY nice to these People, sucking up their asses as much as I can, as often as I can, so I can protect my behind from being shown to more people. Yeah, I know, a few lines above I’m rambling on about crazy people in NY. I think I’m done now. We’re even. I totally fit in. But still, it’s not like I was running on the streets of China. Naked. Hmm, interesting! Maybe I should update my “Things-to-do-befor-entering-a-nuthouse” list. Anyhow, it’s a good thing I’m ONLY turning TWENTY-goddamn-FOUR in, wow, 14 days!! I don’t see a major transformation happening with this number tho, maybe I can plan a big project of becoming sane and normal at 25. Don’t hold me on it, I’m just thinking out loud, it’s still too far away to make real plans. 😀
I’m afraid only Tanja knows what’s on these last two images. Or at least she should, since she took them. I’m posting them here because they make a great ending to this craziness & were taken right after my Lady-Liberty-ass-posing and before subway-pole-dancing, so I’m kind of curious to find out, what could have been more interesting to her than me, flashing around with my naked ass, that she actually bothered taking this abstract masterpieces of whatever. But I have to admit, I really like the first one. I’ll call it “Space, 30 million years from now”.
End of Part II.
There’ll be another one. More down to earth & I swear I won’t be so honest. Because no matter how much I love you guys, whether you admit it or not, YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!! Ah, I don’t really believe it, but I’ve always wanted to use that line. Jack Nicholson – only gets better with age. lol Yeah, I think I’m gonna go with this “less-honesty” thing after all. 😛
P.S.: Luka, to answer the question popping up in your head – yes, I am drunk. Drunk on life, my friend! And I’m in New York, so I lowered my moral views down to the minimum. Who cares! 😉
P.S2.: Bex, I do! ;)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))