For always, forever?

Hey hey hey,

I really feel I’ve been neglecting every single one of you, for which I don’t have a good enough of excuse, just a humble sorry. The truth is, I’ve been kind of lost in a chaos of my thoughts, between missing everyone, and worrying about what the future might bring. A lost-in-a-big-city syndrome, topped with a lousy weather. In those rare moments without the freezing cold and pouring rain, I try to absorb as much rays of sun as possible. But some thoughts just wouldn’t go away. And they scare me. Balancing between the ‘optimistic, flower power, la vita e bella’ mood and ‘it sucks, I hate it, screw it’ point of view, I cannot help but think, if every sparkle once lightened, every word once said, every promise made and each single hug given, can really stand up to its real meaning or will the undeniable fact of me not being there, eventually take it all away? Does ‘forever’ really have all that magic and power that we all long for it to have? Or is it just a ‘comfort food’, a bite to fill and lightened up our hope until it all burns away … Forever. Forgotten. A matter of a few letters. A matter between two people. And THAT is what scares me. Maybe there’s no need for it, but … since I’m battling with it in my head, I might as well just say it out loud. 

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Laika as seen by my little friend Jakob.

O.K. Enough of the bitterness. Lucky for me, I’ve been hanging out with Brando, whom I met on a train back in Slo. A bit more than a year ago I should think. Anyway, we’ve been great friends ever since and it was indescribably amazing giving him a giant hug the other day. And what at first looked to be an easy chill out evening, with two friends laughing and catching up on the latest news, turned out to be the, well, craziest night of my life. We blame the Smoke club and all that jazz. The bad news is, he’s leaving for Brazil to finish a major project he’s been working on for ages. Hopefully March will bring more Brando time.

Funny enough, I have a coffee date with my newly made subway friend waiting. (I really seem to have a hot spot for trains. No wonder I can listen to the Locomotive Breath by Tulls on repeat lol) He studies film at Columbia University and his name is … Brandon! What are the odds? My script writer has obviously decided to do a major turn in my life, sending me to NY, and from there, mah, who cares, let’s just copy-paste everything with a minor detail change. Hahaha.

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Since I desperately needed a rehab for my neck, I’ve decided to do a back-to-nature thing and changed a never-ending skyscrapers for swans & ducks. And you know what? I’ve been hunting. Dogs!! Have a few regulars already – Lindsey, Max and Budram. They are all so sweet!! Don’t tell Laika, tho. This and my previous babbling about forever & forgotten might make her totally paranoid and freaked out. So, yes, parks. In general I make at least 3 to 4 trips a week down to the South Ferry, to wave to the Lady Liberty, listen to what she has to say (very intelligent woman, but hardly wears any clothes … it’s the French thing I suppose and I guess it’s the torch that’s keeping her warm). It’s just nice to watch the sea and all the lights sparkling on the horizon. Makes you fell there’s nothing you can’t do. So, that’s Battery Park for ‘escape-the-crowds & find-yourself’ days. Bryan Park, next to the National Library (which goes across two streets and is over 140 km long), gives a totally different feeling. Firstly, a pressure for your neck, cuz there is no way you could ever resist trying not to count the floors on the highest buildings around, then a nice view on ESB, just to make sure you’re updated with it’s latest color, which is blue this week and enjoy a nice cup of coffee, pretending you’re not bothered by all the crowds marching around. And of course, the Central Park, which delivers hours of fun and it’s basically a world in itself, an oasis inside the City. It supposed to be magical in spring. Can’t wait!!

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Also, Mister Sinatra knew what he was talking about. New York has SO MUCH talent and it’s true, if you can make it here, you’ll rock anywhere. If you are a music lover, save the money for expensive concerts and stop at Columbia Circle Station. The bands and artists performing there are mind-blowing. Lots of potential, right attitude and love for what they do – which is sometimes a dying element after being signed under a major label. For example, Oprah discovered an amazing girl there, singing a song about her (Dear Oprah). Invited her to her show and bang, before you know it, albums are selling. Another great place for that is the Time Square Station. The other day there was a mini Michael Jackson, dancing his tinny ass off. And then, a man, drumming like mad on his kitchen equipment, pots & pans. Lol

Of course we also had Superbowl (go Giants, go!), first round of elections (in brief, people are either loving or hating Hilary, are fond of Obama and no one really hates or passionately loves McCain, which will make him most likely to win. And most don’t give a damn about all other candidates.) Plus, I’m happy to inform you that I finally have a privilege of enjoying the Ellen show. Live! Wow! Who would have thought that after months of illegal downloads and crappy Youtube clips, I’d finally be lucky enough to find it in the TV-guide and watch it the way it was meant to be watched. Talking about shows – The Tyra Banks show is in NYC atm, so of course I applied for a few tickets. Let’s see how that goes. And talking about going – we’re tripping to Canada at the beginning of March. Mont Real. Snow and cold. Should be fun. 

After all this, you’re probably wondering if it will ever finish … and where the hell are Britney news?! So, let’s wrap it up and call it a night with our yellow pages. Amy Winehouse didn’t get a Visa to enter the States, so she’s not attending the upcoming Grammy Awards. Heat’s autopsy showed, he died after overdosing on a cocktail of prescription drugs. Of course, prescribed by different doctors. I truly doubt it was a suicide. And last but not least – Britney released from hospital 10 days too soon. Parents desperately afraid she might do something to seriously endanger her life. That’s America for you, where the court decides when you’re allowed to leave the hospital, not your doctor. And just to be clear, I really feel sorry for her. Remembering that sweet, innocent girl on the cover of Rolling Stone, now being followed by the paparazzi hyenas, mocking her on front pages of cheap tabloids. I love photography, I really do, but I would rather starve myself to death than ever in a million years stalk anyone, just to come up with an image of him/her drinking a morning latte with messy hair and without any make up. Not only that, those paparazzi guys, make real photographers look bad. I believe that a good photo can be done in circumstances where no one needs to be put in an uncomfortable position. Or maybe I’ll start stalking the paparazzi, just to show how stupid they look.

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Sex & the City coming to theaters on my b-day. What a treat.

Btw, just to prove I’m standing behind the words I’m typing – I wasn’t even gonna tell this in my blog, but since we’re on the topic – I’ve seen Sarah Jessica the other day. Crossing the street with her son James. Although this obviously was a special moment for me, I didn’t run to her, screaming “I love you!!”, asking for autograph. People here say that walking the streets of Manhattan means passing lots of celebrities. In fact, every second person that you’ve just glanced has a good chance of being involved in this glamorous world of bling and red carpets. And what differs a New Yorker from a tourist is the fact, that the first doesn’t really mind if Bruce Willis has just walked by, while the second would probably be jumping around hysterically, making a big deal out of it. I’m trying to be the first atm. And I’m sure I’ll bump into her again. Who knows. Being a New Yorker is great. lol Although to be totally honest, I might forget all about those City rules when spotting three or four people from my ‘I love you to bits’ list. You know who the first is. You might have a clue who the second and the third are. And I bet you know Johnny Depp is the fourth. Lol

Be good! Hugs & kisses,

B xxx

P.S.: There was an article about Yugoslavia in New York Times.

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6 thoughts

  1. Barbi, mislim, da nikogar ne zanemarjas, le zdi se ti, ker je tvoj zivljenski ritem precej drugacen. V tem selu od Slovenije je v primerjavi z NY zivljenje nekako taksno kot zivljenje na dezeli in v mestu. Tukaj gre vse pocasi, vec casa imas za druge, vec si doma, vec casa za komunikacijo in ohranjanje stikov. NY je nekaj cisto svojega. Saj vidis. Ne delajo sms-i, ne delajo mms-i, maile sploh ne vem, ce dobivas, skratka, odklop.
    V vsakem primeru si na boljsem, samo sprejmi to. Sama si omenila dejstvo, da ce ti v NY uspe, ti uspe povsod. Resnici na ljubo, vec ali manj vsi evropski fotografi, ki so zdaj velika svetovna imena, so se morali najprej preseliti v NY. Do the math. 😀 Tu v SLO ni perspektive, ampak skoraj 100% sem pa, da bom jaz, ki svojo “resitev” vidim le v tujini, zadnji, ki bo res sel ven, ali pa mi celo nikoli ne bo uspelo. 🙂 No, pa saj si tega niti ne zasluzim, saj niti do kolen ne sezem se najmanjsim fotografom.
    Kakor koli ze, v mojem slovarju je beseda forever dvakrat podcrtana. Noben NY ali odsotnost je ne bo razvrednotil. Ne glede na razdalje ali ce smo vsak na svojem koncu sveta. Konec koncev fizicna blizina ni najpomembnejsa.
    V glavnem, uzivaj in se ne sekiraj. Izkoristi moznosti. Na pragu velikih stvari si, ne glej zdaj nazaj. Nazaj se lahko obrnes kadarkoli, a zdaj si na poti naprej. Ok? Zmenjeno?
    Dogaja se ti pa full in to je res the best. Ne vem, a si sla pol na Guccijevo otvoritev ali ne. In ali si ze kaj sprobala press izkaznico.
    Pridna bodi in brez domotozja prosim.
    ***

  2. tetka posluš zdej mene… isto je blo k si šla v LDN, sj se boš navadla čez čas, zdej si v obdobju spoznavanja mesta, pa privajanje na tak način življenja 🙂 pol pa tak veš da bo več časa za domače pa prijatelje. itak pa domači in prijatelji vedo da misliš nanje, čeprav jim ne pošlješ maila ali sms-a vsak dan, je tak? je, ker vem 😉

    pridna bot, sj veš da mislimo nate 😉 be strong lojza 😉

  3. Za tak filing se ne obremenjuj. Pride in gre. Sem pa prav vesel, da nas takole obveščaš z direktnimi infoji o nekdaj obljubljeni deželi. Mimogrede, verjetno si kje že pisala, pa sem spregledal, do kdaj nameravaš ostati. Sam se spravljam na en izlet, sicer še ne vem kdaj in bi se priporočal za kakšen nasvet.

  4. Give Jonny D. a, “Liz say Hey” and a nod as you pass by! (He’ll know who you mean!) I can’t top that monologue but stop messing with your head. Love Liz

  5. Btw: I love the utube clips and “Happy Valentines Day”.. I hope you get roses or chocolates but if not, know that you are loved. 😀

    PS: I think Slovenian post is slower than Mexican! 😦

    Just Me.

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